Need sex. Gaining weight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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