420 ftw
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
