I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
