Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
