Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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