when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
