margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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