You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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