I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
