He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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