Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
