We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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