I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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