Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
