The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
