hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
