the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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