Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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