I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
