apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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