I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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