Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
