we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
