ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
