I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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