were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize