there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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