why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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