i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
