i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
