The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
