i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
