Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
