There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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