then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
