I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
