I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
