LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
