Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
