Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
