I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
