i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
