you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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