My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
