I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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