it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
