yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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