my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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