WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
