so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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