Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
