the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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