My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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