i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
soo... how was my night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize