i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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