fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
