Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
