So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
