i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
