a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize