the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
