I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
