I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you will always have a special place in my vag
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
