She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
