yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
