I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
