Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
