there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
