Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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