I faked an abortion last night.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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