I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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