My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
