Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
